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Ooze woos news crews

By Egon Kafka

As you recall from a couple of weeks ago, the garbage Blob on Girard Street is pulsing slowly, doubling in size every few hours.

The Scraps Institute of Grossology reports that some people consciously choose to throw litter on the ground. Further, some people refuse to pick up trash due to fears of inadequacy, or to subconscious entitlement issues. Napoleonistic lifetime imprisonment for litterbugs is not an option for our democratic society.

Whatever can be done to save La Jolla from the garbage Blob?

In a little over an hour the lone V-GULP gets the Blob under control. All of the trash is emptied, the sidewalk, gutters and street are swept up, and picked up all the way down to Prospect.

Trashtrooper 222 returns to base at 1845 hours for R&R, a hug from Maureen and some leftovers.

Epilogue and debriefing: Spillover outbreak contained. Cleanscape Command protocol is restored.

There are currently two types of public trash receptacles on the sidewalks of the Village of La Jolla. The city only empties the standard city trash receptacles, which are the heavy square concrete containers with the metal tops.

The round, slat-sided, plastic trash containers are the other type, of which there are only a few. La Jollans provided these, which are not emptied or serviced by the city. They were until recently officially emptied by the Urban Corps, but for the time being funding has lapsed. Many other local and city services have also been truncated or severely restricted.

Just because La Jolla is sitting on its lapse doesn’t mean we can’t have fund!

All homeowners and successful merchants around the world know to sweep up every day simply because a clean shop front and an attractive streetscape helps business. La Jolla merchants that sell walking food for take-out — like sandwiches, coffee, candies, beverages and frozen desserts served in disposable containers — intuitively understand that they must take some extra responsibility for cleanup in the immediate neighborhood. Doing daily cleanup patrol is honorably considerate to neighboring businesses — and to the community at large.

It is therefore both proudly and happily implicit that the citizens, the merchants and the stakeholders of La Jolla rise, and stoop, to the occasion.

“The only thing to trash is trash itself.” — Blintz Stone Lurchill

Respectfully Submitted, Trash Trooper 222, V-GULP Unit, Urbane Corps, La Jolla Cleanscape Command.

Egon Kafka is a trustee of the La Jolla Town Council, a member of the LJTC/PLJ La Jolla Streetscape Committee, and co-owner of La Jolla Village Lodge with beloved other half Maureen Murphy.