Should you spot Spiderman scaling a skyscraper in downtown San Diego, Batman crusading around the Gaslamp quarter in his Batmobile, the gorgeous redhead with the red hot body, codenamed Phoenix, frolicking in La Jolla’s Cove in an Ed Hardy bikini, a geeky-looking guy searching frantically for a phone booth near the Convention Center, or a pointy-eared Vulcan trolling some isolated sections of Old Town “to boldly go where no man has gone before” - that’s because Comic-Con has arrived.
In my idle moments I’ve been fantasizing about the kind of foods these comics characters would be eating if they had human appetites and digestive systems. Batman as a flying mammal, resident of Gotham a.k.a. New York City, and star of the new flick “The Dark Knight,” might be imbibing a honey pear nectar libation and indulge in some blood pudding or frogs legs swiped from one of New York’s upscale French restaurants. For dessert, perhaps he’d top off the meal with a pineapple upside down cake or a mystery dark chocolate mousse.
Catwoman, a piscivores, who must consume the amino acid taurine in her diet or she will slowly go blind, would fill-up on a seafood platter.
Spiderman might slurp on a grasshopper cocktail and snare a shoo-fly pie. This southern treat is loaded with molasses that is sure to attract a swarm of filthy flies. Hellboy would gorge on a red-hot sizzling slab of steak, a mound of killer Buffalo wings or maybe some deviled ham or eggs.
Finer cuisines, of course, would be prepared by “Star Trek” - the Voyager’s - personal chef named Neelix. He would whip up some of his Talaxian specialties for Captain Kathryn Janeway and crew of the United Federation of Planets starship USS Voyager like brewed root tea for an intergalactic caffeine jolt, or fry up a Dr. Zeus-esque scramble with exotic blue eggs having red and green Christmas-colored yolks.
Of course, menu variety is a little difficult as supplies are scarce with the nearest supermarket 30 light years away. I can just see Captain James Tiberius Kirk (William Shatner) from “Star Trek: The Original Series,” who is a Montreal native, lapping up a bowl of savory French Canadian Pea Soup. The Vulcan, Mr. Spock, reaches, in my fantasy, for chicken soup with gravity-proof matzo balls to bring back childhood memories to actor Leonard Nimoy who impersonates him. Mr. Spock, of course, being from an advanced telepathic alien race, would know what the entire crew of the USS Enterprise would want to eat and drink at all times. Finally, telepathic Marvel Girl, Jean Grey-Summers, a super heroine best known as a member of the X-Men, and the perfect poster girl for plastic surgery, who can also control and create cosmic fire, would enjoy anything on the barbie.
But whatever Phoenix’s diet is, I’d love to adopt it.
In honor of my favorite comic character, here’s a divine seafood cocktail for Catwoman. It would surely please even the most finicky feline palate. Cheers.
Catwoman’s Seafood Cocktail
(Where possible, use organic and wild-caught ingredients)
- 8 ounces of lobster meat or tail, cooked and chopped
- 8 ounces of lump crab meat
- 8 ounces of small to medium shrimp, cooked
- 1 dozen whole jumbo shrimp, cooked
- 2 cups of vegetable juice
- 1 cup of tomato juice
- 1/4 cup of fresh lemon juice
- 2 tablespoons of Tabasco sauce
- 1/4 cup of Absolut Peppar Vodka plus additional for finishing
- 2 tablespoons of yellow onion, finely minced
- 2 tablespoons of peeled, seeded, finely minced cucumber
- 2 tablespoons of fresh minced cilantro
- 2 Roma tomatoes, seeded and minced
- 1 firm avocado, diced
- Lemon twists
- Gigantic stuffed green olives
- Cilantro sprigs
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