By Nancy Fagan,
The Divorce Help Clinic, LLC
Relationships – much less marriages – are no walk in the park. The truth is that any romantic partnership is based on commitment, love and respect. But it never is quite that easy or straightforward – just ask anyone who’s been divorced.
Of course, marriage isn’t all doom and gloom. There are wonderful aspects to a union such as comfort, security and long-term intimacy. And many couples have successfully repaired relationships through marital counseling and the commitment to make it work. But when it comes to the unraveling of a marriage, there are three signs that speak volumes on the health of the relationship. In other words, when these elements are present, divorce may be looming.
- She Isn’t Happy
“A happy wife is a happy life” may ring true if we’re to look at statistics on divorce. According to AARP, women initiate 66 percent of divorces and far more of the separations in any given union. Look no further than last year’s famous “divorce” of two Australian tortoises that, after 115 years together, finally called it quits. The union ended when the female tortoise bit a chunk off of the male’s shell. She could no longer stand the sight of him after sharing a cage for 36 years. Enough said.
If your wife is scrutinizing finances, nagging, crying or simply apathetic and showing other signs of unhappiness, it may be in your best interest to seek counseling. And if you’re a woman in a marriage with a feeling of despair, you can try to save your marriage by initiating conversation with your spouse on the source of your frustrations. It’s important to begin dialogue now to avoid a divorce later.
- No Sex
Needless to say, sex is an important part of a marriage and when it’s absent, it can lead to many problems including the disintegration of coupledom. But what’s more, the absence of sex in a marriage is strongly linked to an affair, so partners who are constantly refused may have some reason to worry.
There are instances, though, when an absence of sex is understandable. For instance, a death in the family, job loss or even weight issues can lead to an unhappy, absent sex life. Even still, when a relationship goes without sex, it can lead to other ancillary problems like distrust, loss of closeness, indifference and lack of intimacy. If an absence of sex continues in a marriage, divorce may be a likely result.
- Lack of Compromise on Big Issues
“Marriage is a compromise” has become its own cliché, but when it comes to big issues, compromise is absolutely essential. For instance, it’s usually is no big deal if you can’t agree on the color of your living room walls. You win some, you lose some. But when it comes to having children or where to live, these life-changing issues are monumental to the longevity of your marriage. It’s essential to find a way to come to a mutual agreement on larger issues in life, or else a disintegration of the marriage is eminent. Marriage is a lifelong “dance” – you must be in harmony with your partner, each with a little give and take even with the larger issues that inevitably present themselves in marriage. If a battle cannot be won – or if common ground can’t be sought – the marriage is likely to fail.
If you’re like many Americans facing divorce, there are amicable ways to end a relationship. Divorce mediation is gaining traction as one of the most civil ways to divorce since it doesn’t require either partner to “lawyer up,” fostering instead a sentiment of mutual collaboration. For more information on divorcing through mediation, log onto
or feel free to give my clinic a call at (858) 863-3380.
Nancy Fagan is the owner of The Divorce Help Clinic LLC (Divorce Mediation & Planning Services), best-selling author and divorce expert. If you have questions about San Diego divorce or mediation, make sure to stop by any Wednesday for the Divorce Information Drop-in Clinic, 11:30-1 pm (Free). This is NOT a class. Drop by anytime for a private 15 minute meeting,