Yoga for the maimed and feeble

One of my first columns was about finding a yoga class for someone of my age and auto accident decrepitude. There’s practically a yoga studio on every corner in downtown La Jolla so one wouldn’t think this was such a problem, especially when one factors in the large demographic of locals who are, well, old.  But La Jolla is nothing if not a competitive community and I have flunked out of more yoga classes than you can count.

No one ever asks me to leave, of course, but if the teacher is having to adapt every pose for me and I’m holding up the class, I start to feel the very un-yoga-ish vibes of photon missiles directed at the back of my head. I conclude it’s time to pack up my mat and take my chakras elsewhere.

At this point, I’m pretty good at sizing up whether a yoga class is going to work for me as soon as I walk in the door. I’m not fooled by the brochure description of the class being “suitable for all levels.” Yoga studios lie. I’m sure the goddess Bhuvaneswari is not happy with them about this.

I can tell instantly if I’m in the wrong place if it’s a room full of people half my age (and worse, weight) who are wearing Yoga Attire. Yoga Attire is characterized by suitable-for-forward-folding Nylon/Spandex tank tops over coordinated sports bras and stretchy pants, hair pulled back into a ponytail with matching scrunchie. If I’m really in the wrong place, toenails match the bra. I would be arrested in this outfit, if for no other reason that it would be a crime against humanity to inflict moi’s chunké derrière in the downward dog pose to a room full of fellow yogis. (But it would clear out the room fairly fast.)

Younger people, inexplicably, sometimes show up at old people yoga. I think they just want to show off. They do balance poses without holding onto the wall, the tree pose with nary a wobble.  It is so frickin’ annoying.

If your best pose isn’t shavasana (the resting pose), you don’t belong in a class with me. If the room has a rope wall and the teacher has any intention of involving us with it, I can’t flee fast enough. If the class takes place in one of those intentionally super-heated rooms, I’d have heat stroke. People my age come with their own internal combustion furnaces. In fact, in one of my classes, our sweet young genuinely adorable teacher always thinks the room is cold and wonders aloud why we don’t think so, too. From the back of the room comes, “Wait 20 years.”

It has taken a while, but I have indeed found classes with my demographic: Asanas for the Ossified and Svaroopa for the Somewhat Sentient are right up my alley. But even these have their downside. During the final relaxation, at least half of the class is snoring. Loudly. I mean, if oldies have a single talent, it’s falling asleep instantaneously.

I’m actually fine with snorers; it’s the moaners that disrupt my om-ish serenity. It’s like they’ve gone into pranayama overdrive.  You begin to think you’ve been transported to the deli scene from “When Sally Met Harry.” It’s all I can do to keep from hissing, “Do you mind??? Some of us are trying to have some inner peace over here!”

The other thing I’ve noticed in older people yoga is that when we go to put away our props (blocks, blankets, etc.) after class, I am always in line behind the precision blanket folder who decides that all the rest of the people ahead of her did not fold their blankets correctly. You just know exactly what her linen closet looks like. But my yoga-cultivated calm starts fading fast waiting for her.

Here’s one of the reasons why: Classes are an hour and 15 minutes but parking around yoga studios is generally an hour. (Note to take this up with La Jolla Town Council.) That wonderful feeling of oneness with the universe is totally shot to hell when you see your car and 10 others around it with parking tickets.

Yoga is a major revenue source for La Jolla. We haven’t done our first cat-and-cow before the evil meter maid crones swoop in and mark tires knowing they can make their daily quota on yoga classes alone.
But not to worry. I remind myself that the goddess Bhuvaneswari is going to get them for this. She doesn’t like to be messed with. Namaste.

— Look for La Jolla resident Inga’s lighthearted looks at life every other week in La Jolla Light. Reach her at inga47@san.rr.com

Related posts:

  1. Trick or treat or trash your house
  2. Inga’s seven-step guide to Internet idiocies
  3. Not in my front yard
  4. Let Inga Tell You: The Curse of the Upscale Address strikes again!
  5. Let Inga Tell You: He’ll be home for Christmas (or else) !

Short URL: http://www.lajollalight.com/?p=102790

Posted by Staff on Mar 5, 2013. Filed under Columns, Editorial Columns, Let Inga Tell You. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

4 Comments for “Yoga for the maimed and feeble”

  1. Love this, love your writing. “…the precision blanket folder who decides that all the rest of the people ahead of her did not fold their blankets correctly” – LOL!

  2. Stephanie Freeman

    Those of us who have the pleasure of attending Jaruska Solyova’s yoga classes at the La Jolla Cove Bridge Club are blessed with a teacher who genuinely believes that yoga is for everybody. I have been in classes where people on crutches happily practice adapted asanas and meditation along with triathletes, where people in their 80s (and even 90s) practice pranayama alongside 12-year olds, and everyone goes home restored, relaxed and without parking tickets!

  3. Stephanie

    This was so good and refreshing! I loved it! Sharing right now!

  4. Jaruska Solyova, M.A. E-RYT 500

    I honor the place in you ( although, you may snore…)

    Dear Inga, BRAVO for seeking and searching tirelessly for a “perfect yoga class” ; yet after reading your La Jolla Light article (“ Yoga for the maimed and feeble” 3/7/2013) I wouldn’t be surprised seeing a yoga mat at your next garage sale… Between your funny and witty lines, seems to transpire a lot of frustration.

    Good news for all those who’s enthusiasm doesn’t dry in spite of challenges placed on our path (perhaps the Queen of Universe, Bhuvaneshvari tests our dedication ?) is that practicing yoga (not just yoga poses!) facilitates Union, Contentment, Adaptability and La light hearted friendly attitude (quite the opposite of the feelings of “separation” and Ego self judgments).

    Let’s celebrate the day when “students with special needs” , (or if you prefer “maimed and feeble”) will realize then when a teacher kindly stops the class in order to adapt a pose for an individual ,it’s an opportunity for other students to practice compassion, patience and to learn about a self-care. Karma comes back, so in return , one may cultivate patience (or chant silently a mantra) while standing in a line, feet connected to Mother Earth, to put the props away, integrating B.Gita’s teachings (II/50 ) of “Yoga as a skill in action” (YES, in every action!)

    I don’t own a car,but I wholeheartedly support the need to address the parking issues in La Jolla. Many blessings for your chakras to spin the right way, right speed and in the right alignment; so when you lay down in final Savasana, you’ll be able to experience the “Bliss of pure Being”, beyond the senses, sound or snoring , dissolving your thoughts into the space filled with subtle energy , vibration and a profound meaning of NAMASTE.

Leave a Reply

La Jolla Community Calendar

Facebook

Bottom Buttons 1

Bottom Buttons 2

Bottom Buttons 3

Bottom Buttons 4

Bottom Buttons 5

Bottom Buttons 6

RSS North Coastal News

  • Surf Soccer Club Academy GU9 team tops in division at 2014 Albion Cup July 25, 2014
    The Surf Soccer Club Academy GU9 team took first place in the 2014 Albion Cup (Girls U9 Cup) on July 18-21. They beat Carlsbad United’s top GU9 team in the semi-finals and went on to shut out Strikers FC in the finals, 4-0. Awesome tournament play by the entire team! […]
  • Surf Academy Select BU9 win it all at Albion Cup July 25, 2014
    San Diego Surf Academy Select BU9 won it all at the Albion Cup July 19-21! After winning their Showcase division by going unbeaten all weekend, they defeated Legends FC 4-1 in the finals on Monday. This is the second year in a row this team has won the Albion Cup. […]
  • Pushing boundaries July 24, 2014
    Few issues cause parents more distress than changes in school boundaries. Who can forget the tumult when in 2002 the Del Mar Union School District moved hundreds of families from one attendance area to another? Resentment still lingers, 12 years later. The San Dieguito Union High School District created its system of boundaries nearly 18 years ago that has w […]